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Things
Found Only In America
1. Only in
America......can a pizza get to your house
faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in
America......are there handicap parking
places in front of a skating
rink.
3. Only in
America......do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way to the back of the store
to get their prescriptions while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the
front.
4. Only in
America......do people order double cheese
burgers, large fries, and a diet
Coke.
5. Only in
America......do banks leave both doors to
the vault open and then chain the pens to
the counters.
6. Only in
America......do we leave cars worth
thousands of dollars in the driveway and
put our useless junk in the
garage.
7. Only in
America......do we use answering machines
to screen calls and then have call waiting
so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first
place.
8. Only in
America......do we buy hot dogs in
packages of ten and buns in packages of
eight.
9. Only in
America......do we use the word 'politics'
to describe the process so well: Poli' in
Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
10.
Only in
America......do they have drive-up ATM
machines with Braille lettering.
Youth
Tips for Living.
Sometimes one pays
most for the things they get the least out
of.
To set the goal of
only seeking to make ones life comfortable
and happy is to live life more like a herd
of cattle than human beings.
"Knowledge
is limited but imagination encircles the
world."
"when
the solution is simple, God is
answering."
Just remember, every
time you feel really blue,
just look in the mirror, you'll see that
you are still the same color!
More
Important Knowledge.
The phrase,
"that's a bunch of Bull" comes from the
French verb "boule" which means
" to lie."
Why
go along with the crowd?
Not all things in
life are what they seem. As Christians we
need to be brave enough to be real, not
some Optical
Illusion!
Here are some weird illusions to
check
out.
And a few
more
just for fun!
Here
are some true Looney Laws.
( be careful you
do not break them)
In Barber,
N.C. it is illegal for a cat to fight
a dog.
In Clawson City,
Mich. you must have it on a leash if you
plan on walking your elephant!
In Natoma, Kansas it
is illegal to throw knives at men in
stripped suits.
Michigan law forbids
you to tie your crocodile to a fire
hydrant.
In Vermont it is
against the law to whistle under
water.
In Cotton Valley,
Louisiana cows and Horses are forbidden to
sleep in a bakery.
"Now
you know and knowing is half the ....etc.
etc."
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Old
Farmer's Advice
Your fences need to
be horse-high, pig-tight and
bull-strong.
Keep skunks, bankers
and lawyers at a distance.
Life is simpler when
you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is
considerably faster than a John Deere
tractor.
Words that soak into
your ears are whispered... not
yelled.
Meanness don't jus'
happen overnight.
Forgive your
enemies. It messes up their
heads.
Do not corner
something that you know is meaner than
you.
It don't take a very
big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a
cruel word.
Every path has a few
puddles.
When you wallow with
pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are
lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff
people worry about ain't never gonna
happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by
their relatives.
Remember that
silence is sometimes the best
answer.
Live a good,
honorable life. Then when you get older
and think back, you'll enjoy it a second
time.
Don't interfere with
somethin' that ain't botherin' you
none.
Timing has a lot to
do with the outcome of a rain
dance.
If you find yourself
in a hole, the first thing to do is stop
diggin'.
Sometimes you get,
and sometimes you get got.
The biggest
troublemaker you'll probably ever have to
deal with watches you from the mirror
every mornin'.
Always drink
upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes
from experience.
Lettin' the cat
outta the bag is a whole lot easier than
puttin' it back in.
If you get to
thinkin' you're a person of some
influence, try orderin' somebody else's
dog around.
Live simply. Love
generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.
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